Facing Demons

Posted on Tue Sep 24th, 2019 @ 9:31pm by Lieutenant Jack Carver & Warrant Officer Callisi Veera

Mission: War and Peacekeeping
Location: Meria

Callisi never did like this part. The questions, the stares, the concerns. It dug deeper than the actual wound itself, and as she looked at her reflection in a window, brushing the white hair with brown streaks and shocks out of the way of the patch over her left eye. The burn, the shock, the pain... all of those were ancient history. The pain that would never go away, though, was the scar to her form. The unbalance. The line in the sand between Daughter and Drone.

This was a meeting that had to happen sooner or later, but she recalled Jack's kindness and seeming understanding at their initial meet and greet. There, with the Shi--- Captain of the ship right there, he could have asked her anything. He didn't. So for that, she held him in silent thanks. Still though, any questions he didn't ask her then, he was bound to ask her now.

Deep breath, Callisi.

Jack meanwhile noticed the hesitation, subtle though it was, and hidden though she tried to keep it. It didn't deter him from approaching, still wearing that obnoxiously loud hawaiian shirt he came down to the surface with. "Hey, Dead Eye. Got a moment?" he ventured.

She turned to look him in the eye, and then gave a nod, "I do." though she hid her anxiety by shielding her eye from the nuclear-grade Hawaiian shirt he wore. "I have a feeling I know what this is about, or at least how it'll start." she admitted. She took no shame in it, at least in the fact of the question.

She still was sporting that Stetson, though even such a prize couldn't keep the glare down from that shirt. No holes for her ears yet, though.

"... Do you now." Jack quirked a brow, folding his arms over each other. "Alright. Fair enough. All cards on the table, then." Beat. "I don't give a crap about your eye. I have a personal curiosity, yes, but speaking purely from my position as CAG, all I need to know is that it isn't going to interfere with your ability to perform as a pilot."

He held up his hand to silence her response, as he wasn't finished yet. "That said, you are a daughter of Ts'usu. And I know the Ts'usugi to be a very professional, detail oriented people. I know them to be a people who take outward appearances very seriously and place a lot of value in doing your duty and doing it well. That leads me to believe that you wouldn't be here to begin with if your eye in any way whatsoever limited your ability to perform. Am I close?"

She waited a moment after the question, almost waiting to be 'un-shushed' before she gave her reply. "More than close." She didn't expect him to be as well versed in her culture as he was, which was a welcome blessing. Though considering the Ship's Second, it wasn't completely unexpected.

"My record's only dip was during my readjustment period. The doctor gave it three weeks. I adjusted in two." She started, and a long as the conversation was about her performance rather than her condition, she found her confidence.

"I earned my Red. I took my cuts, then I earned my Red back. The call went out for experienced pilots, and I answered. Had to give up my Red to transfer, but I'm confident I'll get it back again."

She paused, "I appreciate your professionalism in the matter."

"Your Red?" Jack asked.

"My previous wing was Lancer Wing. I was Red Lancer. Means I was a wing leader." she clarified. "Koh was too. Except I imagine he turned in his Red when he transferred to the ship he was one before this one. Not my place to ask."

"Ah, I see. That also touches on what I wanted to talk to you about." Jack offered. "I've elected to make Koh element leader of Astraea's blink element. The blink element's tasks will mostly be close escort and precision strikes on small targets, but you two will have a lot of freedom within that job description. That sound good to you?"

In the Ts'usugi Navy, there was no such recourse as 'requesting to speak freely'. You accepted the conditions and commands of the shipmaster and if you had a concern, you'd take it up later with the Ship's Second. Unless it was life or death, and even then...

But this was shore leave. This was personal time. And this wasn't the Ts'usu Navy. Still, something irked her. It was obvious. It was...

"May I ask a question in regards to your decision, sir?" things got formal, fast.

Jack smiled. "Ah, right. Ofcourse. The Ts'usugi professionalism." Then a nod. "You may. And for future reference, you may always ask to speak freely if you have concerns. There's no taboo you're breaking or rule you're pushing. I respect my pilots and their input and am always willing to listen if they have concerns."

A blanket release took a weight off her shoulders. Though, only if one knew when to look. "Why him?" she asked. There was the barb of hurt pride in her question, no amount of poise or professionalism or protocol could completely mask it, but she tried to keep it direct and job related. She braced herself for the worst, that her injury was what caused him to judge her ill worthy to be R... Element Lead.

"Experience, mostly. He has more years on the stick and more years in Federation service. Knows how the Federation operates better." Jack explained. "Also, while I like your killer instinct, I'm not entirely sure on your ability to remain levelheaded in high stress situations."

She gave a nod, moving a hand to catch the hat before it toppled over.

"I can accept the first part." she paused, and then conceded that until he saw her in flight, he'd only have these conversations to go off of. "And, I have to accept the second part."

A deep breath, "So, it's time to address the terradin in the room." she took a look around, and then removed the Stetson from her head and pulled her hair out of her face with the other. The scar was deep, intense, and rather than being treated to heal with no scar this one seemed to be encouraged to scar. It went straight through the orbit.

"Koldaran incursion, border world. We held them off until reinforcements arrived. They never came." she recalled. "Took a shot off the cockpit, cracked the interior and sent a shard right into my eye. The skirmish took eight minutes."

"We repelled them, I coasted in with the remainder of my wing. Nothing was set up for this kind of injury, and the closest help was two hours away. So, I had a choice between an obvious prosthetic, or an obvious prosthetic made in the image of my other eye."

A quiet sigh, "I took the former. If it was going to look artificial, I'd rather it not even try to be an imitation of my actual eye." a long pause, "I'll show you, but only if you want to see it."

Jack's expression softened as he watched, as did his tone as he spoke. "Only if you want me to see it, Callisi." his voice was down right friendly and warm, as he reached out to rest a hand on her shoulder, hoping that intended gesture of support and sympathy was not a grave insult to a Ts'usugi.

"Like I said before, I trust that you are as good a pilot as I hope you are and that eye isn't holding you back. My only curiosity and interest is on a personal level, and from a place of sympathy." he explained. "I can tell it means a lot to you. If it helps you to show me, I'll look. If you'd rather not, I won't. What matters here is your comfort. It's that simple."

She took a breath, and then reached to lift up the patch over her eye. What waited underneath was wholly artificial, though the surgeon did a great job reconstructing her actual orbit. What was beyond was an artificial eye, cast in blue tinted anodized steel, each motion it made in echo of her living eye was smooth and silent. The blue pinpoint of light that represented the artificial pupil had a shine to it, as did the rest of the piece. A shine that no Ts'usugi eye ever had. It was a beautiful piece, to be told.

She returned her eyepatch to cover the prosthetic. "The material is thin enough, I can make out forms and shapes through it. It's good for basic navigation but, well, I can't fly with it on."

Situations like this were always weird to Jack. How long should he look? What was respectful? When did respectful turn into morbid curiosity? What was polite and what was awkward? After a moment though he gave a nod and a soft smile. "Thank you for showing me. For trusting me."

Would it be polite to change the subject now? Well, too late, he was going to. "That leaves just one more thing we need to discuss, perhaps the most important subject of the day."

"Can I try the hat on?"

"You may." she welcomed the change in subject. Moving from her one flaw to her newest possession. She handed the hat over to him, "No ear holes yet, but that's not a concern for you. Honestly, I'm getting used to it pinning my ears back. It'd be a shame to carve up such a hat just to suit."

He smiled broadly, placing the hat on his head, slightly off horizontal for that quirky look. "An alternative way to look at it is to see the hat as an expression of self. Plus, if you cut the holes carefully and finish the edges so they don't fray, maybe put a little border of contrasting felt around the holes, they could add to the individuality and personality of the hat. How do I look?" he asked, posing like a rebellious cowboy. "Also, of all the available hats, why a stetson?"

She considered his suggestion, and then gave a nod, "It looks good on you. Fits your face, your head, it just... well, it works." she offered.

"As for why, to be honest, I tried on a few different hats. That was the only kind of hat that I tried that just... worked. It made me the least aware of my eyepatch. The whole of it just worked."

"Shame. I think you would look smashing in a bowler." He grinned, respectfully taking the stetson off again and offering it back to her. "Well, that's all I had to talk about. Though if you have any more questions or concerns, now's the time." Beat "Oh! Once we're all on board and we have a day I'm going to want some stick time on a blink fighter, and will want you and Koh to get some time in a Razor and a Gryphon."

She reclaimed the hat with a nod, "Well then good thing we brought a two seater." she mentioned with a smirk. "Now, as for questions, I do have one."

"What's a bowler?"